Friday, May 16, 2008

The Union Suit

Every morning, I have to decide what to wear if I'm going to go out into the world. If I'm staying home, of course, I don't have to decide. I just stay in my pajamas until about four o'clock, and then I take a shower and put on the clean pajamas I'm going to sleep in that night. That's called comfort and efficiency, friends. But sometimes I have to make myself reasonably presentable, and that's when I want a Union Suit. Not the old-timey Union Suit, but a new Union Suit for a New Millenium. My vision would be reminiscent of the burqa, but with the sensible comfort and freedom of movement of Hammer pants. It would also have proper sleeves, so that I could wear a backpack if I needed to. The sleeves would have gloves attached that could be tucked into the wrist when not in use, and the fingers of the gloves would be removable. Rather than covering head-to-toe like the burqa, however, the Union Suit would have a bee-keeper-helmet-inspiried hat/hood. The hat would have a collapsable spring-form frame, and there would be a mesh veil that could be lowered from the brim and attached to the collar with velcro. The suit would be made of a very breathable but opaque fabric, light enough for summer and available in heavier weights for winter. I want it in five colors: black, navy, gray, burgundy, and seafoam green. The seafoam would be the dressy one, and would have metallic gold threads woven into it.

The New Union Suit could be worn with steel-toed boots or sensible flats.

Updated to Add: Looks like someone in the fashion world is already on the case. Wrong shoes, though.

Yeah, I read the Fug Girls. Sue me.

1 comment:

Tricia the Intransigent said...

I think you're on to something with that, although I'd lean more towards something like the pantsuits women wear in parts of India and Pakistan than totally what you described or the picture. I'm thinking loose-fitting trousers with plenty of pockets, but that can be closed at the ankle in case of bugs; a flowy tunic top with yet more pockets; and some kind of cape/cloak/headgear much like your description - gloves attached, can be worn around the shoulders, up over the head, or with a veil flipped down over the face. Shoes would be whatever is appropriate.

I'm thinking that with constant surveillance combined with facial recognition technology, it's only a matter of time before veiling becomes a political statement not about religion or modesty, but about the right to privacy.

Oh, and because I'm greedy I'd have a bunch of these - serious ones in brown, grey, black, and maybe burgundy or forest green, and then a bunch of fun ones in pastels (yes, I'm a summer and there's not much I can do about it) or loud floral prints.